Like, I’m afraid of really falling for anyone because there’s a big chance that they won’t feel the same way. It’s like, my heart beats really fast for this guy and when he sees me, he’ll only look at me as a friend. And I’m fine with that. At least I’m a friend and not a stranger to him, right? 

Sigh. Idk.

I say I don’t want to like anyone seriously but I do. I like this guy, he’s nice. And cute. And adorable. And he listens and he’s the type of guy who smiles from within his heart and not just pulls up a fake one. He’s the type, I think, of guy that people should really respect and admire. He’s responsible, a great student. I like him. I told myself to stop liking him but during our sharing in this group activity, when I talked, he was listening to intently and just smiled at what I shared and I looked at him and realized that I couldn’t stop liking him that easily. He’s different. His best friend, who I’ve confided in, asked me why I liked him and I said: …Too many reasons. >///< 

But there’s also this other guy that I like and he’s the one that makes my heart beat really fast. Just a couple of months ago we weren’t friends. I saw him all the time, every day. We passed each other but he never looked twice. But just a week ago we got to know each other because we were classmates in a few subjects and nobody really talked to him and his friend, nobody really paid attention to them because they were Koreans. But I was talking to him about our reporting and this exam and he randomly asks if I was Kris and of course I was surprised he knew my name (thank you, common friend who is also the ahjussi diva haha). >///<” After that, whenever we see each other, he waves and smiles and I feel like my heart stops every time he does. It’s like he’s walking towards me and he slows down and waves and I feel like melting. I don’t know why I really like him. I don’t really know him that much. But idk, I guess I just do.

This is all going to be hopeless.

But since I want to be an optimistic little bitch, I will just think of these two crushes as my source of inspiration to do better in school and to become a more worthwhile and admirable person everyone can truly appreciate. :)